Eating Faces Since 1992

It completely baffles me that somebody would actually eat somebody's face, but I guess this proves that the Zombie Apocalypse is happening as I type this. On a totally unrelated topic, I also type this with a .45 next to me on the desk and a 7.62 Mosin Nagant leaning up against the wall, with enough ammunition for both to last me for a few weeks, along with all the food and batteries stored up in the Cold War Era bunker that I found in my field. Nah, I'm just kidding; I built the bunker a year ago. But, seriously, I'm surprised that more people haven't tried to find justice for the Face Eater; that's not his real name, but I'm lazy, so that's what I'm calling him for this blog. But, back to the issue at hand; face eating is not to be taken lightly. How many times have you, the reader, been accused of eating a person's face, when in fact you were just practicing making out? Never, you say? Well, if that's true, then I feel a strange mixture of sorrow and envy for you, because you were born with either the ability to flawlessly make out with a chick/guy, or you have yet to enjoy the creation of what is basically two humans swapping strands of saliva to protect against viruses, which may or may not be a good thing. Anyway, before I get totally off the topic on hand, back to the Zombie Apocalypse. In case you didn't click the first link up there, In Miami, a cop shot some guy who was just eating another man's face. And he didn't shoot him once; no, my blogger friends, this man was shot multiple times, mostly because 9mm is a crappy caliber, and nobody likes it, but also partly because the Face Eater was high as shit on some drug mixture known as bath salts. No, these aren't your mom's bath salts, but rather a dangerous amphetamine cocktail, and has been banned in many states, for obvious reasons. Now, when the cop happened to notice le Face Eater, roughly 80% of his victim's face was gone, and it wasn't on the ground anywhere, which can only mean that as the cop was telling Face Eater to back away and put his hands on his head, Face Eater was calmly swallowing and preparing to take another bite. The rest, as you should know, was forever immortalized by many late night talk show hosts and news agency's around the world: the cop shoots Face Eater, Face Eater dies, and victim is still in serious condition. Next, his local politician will attempt to and succeed in introducing a new bill that face eating is against the law, which will spread nationally, with many people donating money to the WHO's new program, which will then unintentionally release the actual zombie virus in the hopes that it will work like the flu vaccine and inoculate the population so the Zombie Apocalypse won't happen, which it ironically does, and the whole planet is wiped clean of the true virus: us. Holy shit, I think I just penned the next blockbuster zombie movie. Somebody call Universal; I want Simon Pegg to play the main character and Tom Cruise to play the obligatory asshole who endangers everybody, but eventually gets killed during the climax. And I also want Summer Glau to play either the main character's ex or sibling; either one doesn't bother me, but in the case of the latter, Daniel Radcliffe can play her interest, but only with the stipulation that Harry Potter will not die. And to wrap up this whole entire Face Eating experience, I would like to make a few things aware to you readers. On a sad note, June 3 was National Cancer Survivors Day, and this year, we celebrated it without a dear friend of mine, who passed away from breast cancer early this year. You can make donations here. Please click on this link; it only takes a couple seconds, and either way, it doesn't cost you anything, as you get the money you donated back as tax refunds. Also, and this is the last donation plea for this blog, I swear, a little over 7 months ago, one of my roommates from Engineering School was injured in an IED blast in Afghanistan, and without the Wounded Warrior Project, he might not have gotten the leg he needed so quickly. You can find out more information about it here. The WWP is a national program designed to help our wounded veterans when they come back, and often works alongside the VA in helping our veterans get their benefits. And one last announcement before I sign off. A couple of months ago, I launched my musical page on Facebook, Simply Janisch, and am pleased to announce that you can now watch those videos on Youtube. Just go onto Youtube and search for the account SimplyJanisch. I think this will make it easier to get feedback and crticism, as well as suggestions for songs to do. Later, I plan on launching a website, where you would be able to watch the videos, download songs, and maybe even purchase some merchandise, but that feature wouldn't available for a little bit, Also, this blog would be linked to that website, as would my Twitter and Facebook posts, so it would be a one stop location for all things Simply Janisch. And with that, I'm off, but not without some words of wisdom: "One who understands much displays a greater simplicity of character than one who understands little."    Alexander Chase